I read a lot of books.
I read a lot of books about parenting.
My favorite parenting books do one of two things. Some, like Haim Ginott’s Between Parent and Child, reinforce wisdom I had forgotten to act on (I first learned Dr. Ginott’s powerful and now classic ideas in How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk, which is about so much more than communication). My other favorites open my eyes to a new way of seeing my children.
I just started reading How to Discipline Your Six to Twelve Year Old Without Losing Your Mind by Jerry Wycoff and Barbara Unell. The reviews on Amazon persuaded me this book would give me some constructive ways to deal with conflicts between my first-grader twins and me, without resorting to harsh punishments. I know I made a good choice. In the first page of the Introduction, they’ve opened my eyes to who my kids are now.
No longer “preschoolers” or extra-big babies, six-to-twelve-year olds are “childolescents.” They are struggling with issues that dependent and inexperienced under-sixes don’t face. My twins are faced with more expectations than ever before — at school, on the playground, and in social settings. When these expectations seem overwhelming, the childolescent rebels, declaring war on “this world that is, in their view, making excessive demands.”
It is no longer enough to kiss boo boos and murmur gently when a playground game gets too rough. Childolescents, while they need parental comfort as much as ever, also need to grow up and away. They need to challenge and understand the reasoning behind rules. Some authors say this is especially true of boys.
I always understood, on an intellectual level, that childhood is about growing competence and independence. I knew that teenagers strive to create separate identities. I knew that if I did a good job as a parent, my children would leave the nest and create independent lives.
I just didn’t know it would start so soon.